Yesterday I decided to try and have a heart to heart with Jon. I wanted to see if he could see sense. I asked him did he think he had a problem with drink? He answered yes. I asked him did he want to do anything about it. He said it’s not your problem anymore. When I think of this situation I’m in I can’t help but get upset. Jon was the person I wanted to marry, I wanted him to be the father of my children. I really do love him but I can’t pretend that he’s the same person anymore.
I offered my support to him, if he wanted to get help for his drinking then I would stand by him. I realise this was a stupid idea and now I feel even worse because he rejected me.
He doesn’t want help, he wants further justification to drink. When I decided to end things he has used this as a reason to carry on. I never did this as a threat or a wake-up call style game. But a small part of me did think that he would snap out of the misery he’s in and try to sort his life out. He’s not been to work all week and doesn’t care. He’s hardly been in all month, he says that people are off all the time with stress and depression and they don’t know what it means.
He’s moving out tomorrow. When I got in from work he was on the phone to his Mum. I asked him what they talked about, hoping that he had discussed more what we talked about last night. He hadn’t he was cold and said that his Mum thinks that me getting upset is cruel and that he has to stay strong. I am so angry, he said you finished it so you have no right to be upset. Of course I have a right to be upset.
I’ve told him I can’t find a house-share that will accept a dog or a flat with a garden that will either. I’ve told him that I will have to find somewhere to live and he will have to take the dog.
I am heartbroken, hurt and angry. I think everything has sunk in and I am now realising that this is probably the last time I will see Jon.