The Modern Relationship


I’m don’t know whether I’m very modern, but I am in a modern relationship. I work full time and all household bills and rent are split 50/50. If we go out I give him some money and he does in the main go to the bar and the same with meals. I work to earn money, so I don’t expect a free ride. I like the thought that I am an independent woman and I can pay my own way. I don’t have to wait for the housekeeping so I can go out and buy something and if I want a night out I have one.

So how come the house work isn’t split 50 / 50?

I don’t think I’ve ever come home from work to a nice hot meal on the table without prompt. Only when I worked away for a week did I come home to a sparkly clean house unprompted.

It seems us women are trained or have it in us somehow to nurture and my man doesn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s lived alone and kept a reasonably clean flat and kept himself fed and watered well enough so it’s not like he was looked after by his Mammy and now I’m the replacement. When we moved in together we decided to split the chores. This was the original list:

His jobs

Washing up, gardening, empty bins and polishing

My jobs

Hovering, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom and cooking

Already my list was a little bit longer, but silly me I don’t really count the cooking as a chore as I actually enjoy it. We’ve gone along like this for a few years now. I think I can count the number of times he’s polished on my one hand, he refuses to wash up daily and likes to do it every other day and the garden must turn into a small amazon rainforest before he will attempt to cut it back a bit. It’s that thing where he doesn’t seem to mind when the house starts to look like a shit tip, he doesn’t mind when it actually is a shit tip. Every now and again I will blitz the house and give him a list of jobs to do. This would never, ever be started on his initiative. The worst is when we have people coming around and the extreme is when his mother comes to stay. His attitude is – “they don’t come around to inspect the cleaning”. My reply is usually along the lines of – I don’t clean for them, I clean for me. That’s where we don’t agree. I think the only reason he goes along with the whole cleaning idea is because deep down he doesn’t want environmental health judging him. As long as they aren’t banging the door to condemn us then that’s good enough for him.

Now times have changed again and he works from home two days a week. Now I am absolutely aware that he is home to work, however it doesn’t hurt to have a load of washing on the go. If it were the other way around I know that during the day I would do little bits and pieces so that I didn’t have to do it at the weekend. Two loads done during the week means that I only have one left for the weekend. I think that now he’s at home he should actually be doing more than what I do. I would like the list to be more likes this…

His jobs

Two loads of washing, empty bins, washing up, polishing, gardening, hovering once a week, cooking once or twice a week, clean the bathroom

My jobs

One load of washing, hovering twice a week, cooking 5-6 times a week, clean the kitchen

There I think I have it sorted, his list is bigger than mine! Wish me luck…

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2 thoughts on “The Modern Relationship

  1. I just got married for the second time. My first husband did absolutely no house work, no cooking, no laundry, no shopping, no child rearing. –I had three kids and a full time job too, mind you. Somehow, I was supposed to get it all done at home too. My shiny new husband and I are fairly laid back when it comes to cleaning the house, in fact we’ve been terrible lately. But, I cook, he does dishes, I do laundry, he takes care of the yard, I clean the main floor, including bathroom, and he cleans the upstairs, including that bathroom. It’s a wonderful situation and it works well for us.

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